*Note to Self

Do. Not. EVER. Watch. War films.


You will cry for hours and feel like a rotten person for not jumping in front of the actor who just had his head blown of (even though you know it's not for real.)

And also, you are probably allergic to them since they make you sick.


If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some tissues and "The Twits". 
I need it.

Yesterday

Yesterday
all my troubles seemed so close at bay
now they've left me here and moved away
I've said goodbye to yesterday

Suddenly
I'm as happy as a bumblebee
Flying high around a honey tree
Oh, yesterday has set me free

Why I had to go I don't know
Just couldn't stay
Something felt too wrong
So I turned and walked away


I dyed my hair yesterday! I am now a redhead.
And since I broke up with Love....
A single redhead! 

Found it, I Did

Guess what! I'm happy today!

Jalapeño came over with his Italian and we talked and had cake. Mmmm..... Cake......
And today it's two months with Love which makes this my longest relationship so far.


And it's warm enough for me to walk around barefoot outside. I like the feeling of grass against the soles of my feet. It feels alive and green.

This is a really old one, written sometime in summer and (possibly) despair.

Falling asleep in the garden
Just to be woken by rain
Watching the green grass 
melt into crimson
with blood drops I spilled in vain 

I Really Don't Have a Clue. And also; Meow.

A little furry lightning bolt running 'round my feet
A noble queen ruling me, her subject
A proud mother-huntress bringing home fresh meat
The best of friends, cheering up and helping

My baby girl purring in her sleep

A sneaky panther, big and fast and deadly

I'm her human, she's my cat and I love her so

And thought she sometimes meows at me

I think she loves me too

Total brain shut-down

all systems running wild

Ground and sky are one 

the ceiling-walls moving round

I'm scared but euphorically

looking through my skin

Sunshine turns into knives

tingling on my tongue 

screams and laughter mixed together

into fairy-song

Why is there a rainbow in my hand?

Up in the Middle of the Night, Again.

I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. It feels like everyday I wake up to is more confusing than the last. Right now it looks like I'll have to move if I want to go to a school where I could stand studying.

I know that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to get a good education and a mam who helps me fight for it, but I wish we didn't have to fight this hard.
And I miss believing that everything's going to work out. And I want to know what was so wrong with the plans I made, why they couldn't just work out.
Why can't I just be normal?

But some things are still great.
Love just became an uncle and I'm going over to his place this Friday.
I'm having a picnic tomorrow (which is technically today since it's waaay past bedtime....)

And I found this:
http://www.simonscat.com/stickytape.html


If I didn't know better I'd say that this is my own sweet baby turned into a cartoon, but she's sitting right next to me demanding shrimps and cuddles so that's a wee bit impossible... 


Sorry I can't be more uplifting.... Here's some stuff from a couple of good days :)

Today is a good day

Tomorrow will be great

Last week might have hurt me

Or made me feel irate

But the future’s filled with happiness

I’ve said goodbye to hate

Fruit and tea and sandwiches

A small blueberry-pie

The old, softly worn blanket

Tiny clouds high in the sky

It is time for this year’s first picnic

For winter to say bye-bye 

Poems Written in the Middle of the Night (although I should be sleeping)

Blue-violet-pink-greens

Blue-white-greens

There are yellow-greens

And white-yellow-greens

A few white-dark greens

The young spring sun makes them grow

And feeds them with fresh morning dew

My tears are hot lead in my chest

My thoughts twirl like flames

The night is cold and I can’t get to rest

Starlight kills and maims

Why are you away?

Too far away from me

The world staggers and sways

It’s poor like a drunken man’s plea

Without you I’m a shadow

Invisibly icy and shy

All colors hide under ashy-grey snow

The golden suns wither, soon they will die

When I wait

I wait for you

When I lock my gate

It is so you won’t go

For I am in love

Sweet one, I love you

A pretty green metal piece

Caught my eye

Made my day

Fine rain swept gravestones in veils

Soft, sweet air and pipe-smoke

Hugs and kisses

Laughter, smiles

And blood red cherry pop

Living feels better than staying alive